If Kaa’ba in Pakistan

September 2, 2009 at 3:13 pm 8 comments

I came across one interesting Email from on of my group friends and would like to share with all of my readers. I’ve not modified anything and it’s presented as received.

Once my fourth Umrah was complete, I was little tired and while sitting in front of Holy Ka’aba, I started to observe things (actually in my style)… that, “what if Makkah was in Pakistan?” – This sparked TNTs of my brains and answer to question started to emerged, here is what flashed through my mind.

Outside the Haram Shareef, the roads and footpaths were damaged with near falling flyovers and W-11 transporting pilgrims in “tapo tap full” condition (may be “tape bhi bajh raha ho”  – but who knows).

At all the doors there would be beggars reciting miraculous prayers for your success in return of money and if given something, they (beggars) will signal their “kalay kalotay” kids to approach you — because you are a kind man and will definitely give them something too — these kids will ask for food, trying to stop you by pulling your Ehraam with their dirty hands. At first, you would ignore them but realizing the danger of opening of Ehraam, you will get rid of them by giving Rs. 5 each.

Besides this, there would be thelay walays selling Chinese products and shouting “choubees (24) ke baara (12), choubees ke baara” and on the other side an old police mobile in which some fat, lazy and ugly looking police-men would be providing security services to pilgrims by threatening “aam awam” (general public).

Rangers ke jawan will be standing firm with their old G3s, as if they have to shoot a target 200 meters away, and would be scanning all male pilgrims for catching possible suicide bomber. In order to have fool proof security, they will be using FBI trained K9s.

Upon entering Masjid-e-Haram, you will see a lot of people with small heads and normal bodies in green dresses (I think they are called “waris shah ki chuiyya” – or something like that) and they would be doing Dhamaal on Qawwali “damm mast qalandar, mast, mast! damm mast qalandar mast”.

Qawaals will consider themselves doing great service to Deen by spreading Islam at the beat of Tabla and at the harmony of Harmonium. Naats will be being played in all corners by famous naat khowa’ns and behind them small childrens wearing “haree pugree” (green tubrine) will be singing in chorus “haq-a-Allah’ , “haq-a-Allah” .

Each corner of Masjid-e-Haram would be occupied by “paid” mureeds of Peer sahabs who would be considered superior to all humans and in return of black goats / roosters, he would be blessing men, in general and women, in particular.

Ulemaas of Barelwi, Deoband and Ahl-e-Hadith will be casting fatwas (religious decree) on each other declaring the other un-fit for Immamat of Ka’aba. Minister of Religious Affairs, some retired General, will step in to solve the problem by assigning the Immamat to ex-Chief of Army staff, who would, without a beard (but with moustache over his lips), will discharge the responsibilities of Immamat after having done a short course called “Moderate Enlightation Course for 24th century Imams”.

Female pilgrims will be getting targeted by “chaarey baz” (or pundee baz as refered to in Lahore). These chaarey baz would, instead of, doing Tawwaf will follow girls with closest distance possible.

Contract of maintenance of Haram Shareef would be given to the person quoting lowest tender price and highest commission under the desk (or in simple words “Rishwat”).

Zam zam (or aab-e-zam zam) will be getting bottled and sold out in markets while pilgrims will have to wait in queues to get a glass, in fact, handful of water because the plastic glasses provided free of cost will be stolen for being sold outside at a government subsidized (reasonable) price.

Hamid Mir of Geo News will conduct a capital talk on the issues mentioned above, while Cheif Justice Iftikhar Choudhry will take up another suo-moto notice of load shedding in Haramen Shareefain. Whereas, Nawaz League and PPP will call for protest rally against failure of government to provide necessary facilities and MQM in Karachi and Qaaf League in Pubjab will announce “sab jhoot hai” tehreek as a counter measure. While pathans near Al Asif Square (in Karachi) will block highway to prevent others coming within the limits.

A new PEMRA Ordinance will be promulgated to clamp all the T..V. channels airing problems and my blog and ID will be ordered to be deleted by new Chief Justice (being an apointee under PCO)… … …

The thought about my ID getting deleted woke me up… and I thanked Allah that Makkah is in Saudi Arabia, in the custody of people (who can and) have the ability to fulfil all responsibilities. Otherwise, only Allah knows how many Bi’daahs (innovations) would have emerged under the slogan of “bi’daah-e-hasana” .

Indeed, lucky are those people who are born in Makkah, spends whole life near Ka’aba-tul-Allah and what a destiny that their Namaz-e-Janaza is prayed by Imam Ka’aba in front of Ka’aba-tul-Allah. They are even luckier that they only know of four imams of Islam and their Islamic ideology is not further broken in to Deobandi and Barelwi.

As for us, we will always shout slogan of “Pakistan first” — but in descending order…



Ar Riyadh – KSA

Muharram 19, 1429

Note: The only purpose was to highlight problems in our country and how they are exploited by people with vested interests. Whatever was mentioned about Qawwalis, Dhamaals, etc. is my own eye-witnessed experience in Data Darbar (Lahore) and Shrine of Lal Shehbaz Qalandar (Sind), where people were seen bowing to graves of mentioned saints… and yes, lastly, offend(s) were not intended.


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8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. nadia  |  September 2, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    I loved reading this!

    “…but realizing the danger of opening of Ehraam, you will get rid of them by giving Rs. 5 each.” LOL

    Qawaals will consider themselves doing great service to Deen by spreading Islam at the beat of Tabla and at the harmony of Harmonium. –> this is so true (sadly)

  • 2. Wakas Mir  |  September 2, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    Thx for sharing that and it’s quite close to the truth. hona aisa hi tha lekin glad ke it isn’t 😀

    ~ Yeah, Shukar Allah ka 🙂

  • 3. Abujak  |  September 2, 2009 at 4:44 pm

    Dear Massod Memeon!
    An excellent portrayal of our Islamic society and local culture. The point to ponder is that things were probably not different prior Wahabi era. We may criticize them but there are some man aspects leading towards the purity of Islam beliefs and practices, though should not be the way Taliban are doing.

  • 4. Haris Gulzar  |  September 3, 2009 at 7:04 pm

    Thats a very close picture of what goes on in our country… Sad but true 😦

    ~ Yeah, bro 😦

  • 5. captureuniverse  |  September 9, 2009 at 8:24 am

    Our country has developed such a bad repute…. 😦

    ~ Sadly, it’s a bitter truth:(

  • 6. Nasreen  |  October 22, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    lol @ “kalay kalotay” and “pulling your Ehram with their dirty hands”.

    Considering how much I dislike most naats and qawalis, I’m very glad the Haram isn’t in Pakistan. I remember when I went for hajj, there were a group of Pakistanis who invited us for such an event in their hotel. Thankfully even my mom dislikes the concept and decided not to go. 🙂

    I know that we often criticize the Saudi government for many things, especially the way they maintain (or do not maintain) the traffic during hajj, but it is a huge responsibility. InshaAllah Saudi will consider making trains within Makkah & those going to Mina as well & not simply between Makkah and Madina.

    ~ Jazakallah khair, Allah has everything planned and kept Kaba in safe hands, he is the one protecting it.

  • 7. Musaafir  |  October 22, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    Although your friend’s commentary is full of innuendos and sarcasm, however I feel that he got carried away when describing the beggar children. ‘Kalay Kalotay’ reeks of abject contempt for the color of one’s skin.

    I know you say you are nit the author, however you’re equally responsible by publishing this letter on your blog. I am not sure of your intentions, however I am sure in your own mind this is a trivial affair and as long as your intentions are good, it is all in good fun, but I am sure you know what they say about good intentions.

    Also, just so that you know, people who are born, live and die and around the Kaaba, just by virtue of their location are no better or worse than any other human around the globe. All are created equal and only those are high in stature in front of Allah who have done good deeds. Your place of birth nor the geographic location of your grave nor the location where your last rites are performed makes you a lucky person or a better Muslim, let alone a good human being.

    Just a random thought.

    ~ Thanks for the detail comment, bro. I never say that the place we live or die can make us good followers of Islam or Muslim, it’s all on hidayath. Now regarding taking the responsibility of publishing this post: I don’t feel anything guilty about it, because we all knew if this happens then the situations might be the same. India and Pakistan are the major lands for such a fitna, shirk and bidha’ath.

    The author states Kaley Kalotey..hmm I’ve no idea what’s are his intentions but I’ve no color differences among human beings 🙂

    Do visit my blog again, I love the comments from a keen readers 🙂

  • 8. Al Sunna  |  November 10, 2009 at 8:01 am

    Assalam walakum,

    This blog is a very nice blog, I have found it very beneficial to know more about Islam. Thanks for sharing the information.

    ~Jazakallah Khair!


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